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"You might be a RednecK" jokes was first made popular by Jeff Foxworthy. These funny "truths" are a classic spin on funny redneck jokes. If you find yourself noticing you do or have some of these things, then you just may be a redneck!

You might be a Redneck if ...

  • A full moon reminds you of your mother-in-law pullin' weeds.
  • A night on the town includes city jail.
  • All of your relatives' cars have "Tag Stolen" signs in the rear window.
  • All of your relatives would have to die to wipe out illiteracy.
  • All your tupperware is old butter containers.
  • All your wall decorations have horns on them.
  • All your wedding guests were seated on the same side of the church.
  • Any of your children are the result of a conjugal visit.
  • Anything outside the Lower 48 is "overseas."
  • At the dog track, you always bet on the dog that "does his business" right before the race starts.
  • Counting sheep makes you more aroused than sleepy.
  • Coworkers start a petition over your coffee cup.
  • Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."
  • Drying your clothes depends on the weather.
  • During your wedding ceremony the minister said, "Do you, DeWayne, take Connie to be your old lady?"
  • Every room in your house is a junk room.
  • Every workday ends with the same argument about who gets to ride in the cab of the truck.
  • Everyone in the house learns something from the potty training videotape.
  • For your anniversary you take your wife to dinner at the Wal-Mart snack bar.
  • It's midnight and everyone on your street knows what album you're playing.
  • It takes an entire dumpster to clean out your car.
  • Most of your family have appeared on COPS.
  • Neither your nor your husband's job requires you to wear a shirt to work.
  • No matter which side of the track you live on, it's the wrong side.
  • Nobody can rebuild an engine like mama.
  • None of the tires on your car are the same size.
  • On stag night, you take a real deer.
  • One of your top concerns is going to the electric chair.
  • People are scared to touch your bathrobe.
  • People hear your car a long time before they see it.
  • Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
  • Someone asks to see your marriage license and you have to dig through the back floorboard of the G.T.O.
  • Someone says that your mother wears army boots and you say, "So?"
  • The "Save Naugahyde" protection group chooses your house as a picket site.
  • The beer truck delivers door-to-door in your neighborhood.
  • The biggest sign on your place of business says "Minnows!"
  • The cleaners inform you that they can't get the sweat stains out.
  • The cockroaches left you a note saying, "Clean this place up!"
  • The cottage cheese container in your refrigerator holds night crawlers.
  • The dishwasher and your wife are one and the same.
  • The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
  • The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
  • The hood of your truck is higher than the roof of your house.
  • The last thing you read was a syphilis pamphlet at the clinic.
  • The liquor store knows you by your first name.
  • The man from the power company threatens to cut off your service, and you threaten to cut off something of his in return.
  • The morning after your kids' slumber party, the dogs have fleas.
  • The National Guard had to be called out to your last family reunion.
  • The oil stain on your driveway looks like the result of a tanker spill.
  • The only scales in your bathroom are leftovers from the fish cleaning.
  • The original color of your carpet is an unsolved mystery.
  • The police regularly come to your house to break up a fight, and you live alone.
  • The primary color of your car is Bond-O.
  • The quality of your birthday present depends on how mama finishes in the wet t-shirt contest.
  • The school principal has your number on speed dial.
  • The sound of a siren sends your family running for the woods.
  • The strongest smell in your house is butane.
  • The tires on your car don't fit under your fenders.
  • There are engine parts on your coffee table.
  • There are more than 4 hats in the rear window of your car.
  • There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
  • There is a hot water bottle hanging from your shower curtain.
  • There is a puddle in your driveway year-round.
  • There is more oil in your baseball cap than in your car.
  • There is not room for one more bumper sticker on your car.
  • There is the equivalent of 3 large orders of fries scattered on the floorboard of your car.
  • Three weeks after the circus, you're still talking about the elephant's accident.
  • Trick-or-treaters are scared to come to your door.
  • Trimming your beard requires lawn equipment.
  • Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
  • When paying for beer, spare pistol shells fall out of your pocket.
  • You're considered an expert on worm beds.
  • You've ever backed down an exit ramp.
  • You've ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
  • You've ever been arrested for loitering.
  • You've ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
  • You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
  • You've ever been on television not wearing a shirt.
  • You've ever borrowed chewing tobacco from your wife.
  • You've ever committed a crime with a lawn mower.
  • You've ever eaten out of a minnow bucket.
  • You've ever freshened up with a Slim Jim.
  • You've ever given yourself a social disease.
  • You've ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction.
  • You've ever had sex while wearing work gloves.
  • You've ever had to turn your truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
  • You've ever hit a deer with your car... deliberately.
  • You've ever hitchhiked naked.
  • You've ever hollered, "You kids quit playing on that sheet metal."
  • You've ever made love on top of a dog house.
  • You've ever plucked a nose hair with a pair of pliers.
  • You've ever read the entire Sunday paper sitting in the bathroom.
  • You've ever rolled your riding lawn mower.
  • You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone who was inside.
  • You've ever thrown a tailgate party at a tractor pull.
  • You've ever used a laundromat as a mailing address.
  • You've ever used panty hose as a coffee filter.
  • You've ever walked through a drive-thru window.
  • You've ever watched the game warden through your scope.
  • You've ever water-skied in your underwear.
  • You've ever worn camouflage pants to church.
  • You've never made up your bed.
  • You've never paid for a haircut.
  • You've never stayed in a hotel without stealing something.
  • You've seen Walking Tall more than 50 times.
  • You've talked to your mama on the C.B., but have never met her in person.
  • You've totaled every car you've owned.
  • You always answer the door with a baseball bat in your hand.
  • You always use tape to hem your pants.
  • You applied for a job while wearing a stocking cap.
  • You burn out your clutch in a funeral procession.
  • You burn trash in your Sunday clothes.
  • You buy a police scanner to keep up with your relatives.
  • You buy lard wholesale.
  • You call the operator to get the number for 911.
  • You can't spell your name without looking at your belt.
  • You can distinguish between the taste of 'possum and groundhog, blindfolded.
  • You can do a moose mating call from an orifice other than your mouth.
  • You can drink beer through your nose.
  • You can eat a McDonald's cheeseburger in one bite.
  • You can field dress a deer, but can't change a diaper.
  • You can name the entire cast of The Dukes of Hazzard, but not your congressman.
  • You can readily describe the taste of squirrel.
  • You can take your bra off while driving.
  • You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
  • You check your shirt to spell your name.
  • You clean your hands daily with gasoline.
  • You consider a spotlight hunting equipment.
  • You cried the day your son tapped his first keg.
  • You develop a 1 to 10 warning system for your intestinal gas attacks.
  • You don't recognize several relatives when they're sober.
  • You drew "horns" on your new bride in your wedding pictures.
  • You drive 600 miles to see an image of Elvis that has miraculously appeared in water stains on the ceiling of a trailer.
  • You eat a bowl of beans in order to take a bubble bath.
  • You fix holes in your truck with duct tape.
  • You get homesick watching cops.
  • You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
  • You get your oil changed by your barber.
  • You give "chinette" as a wedding present.
  • You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
  • You go fishing with a generator and copper wire.
  • You go to a party and the punch bowl flushes.
  • You go to the ear, nose, and throat doctor to have your finger removed.
  • You go to your sister's wedding just to kiss the bride.
  • You haul more than U-Haul.
  • You have a beer can crusher mounted on the dashboard of your car.
  • You have a black eye and a hickey at the same time.
  • You have a feed store nightgown.
  • You have a Jack Daniels poster in your living room.
  • You have a refrigerator just for beer.
  • You have a subscription to Hound Dogs Today.
  • You have a tennis ball on your truck antenna.
  • You have an above ground pool and you fish in it.
  • You have eight cars and still have to bum a ride to work.
  • You have fake fur on your dashboard.
  • You have lots of hubcaps on your house, but none on your cars.
  • You have Mason jars filled with stuff the FBI can't identify.
  • You have orange road cones in your living room.
  • You have season tickets for the tractor pull.
  • You have three first names.
  • You have to dress up the kids to go to K-mart.
  • You have to honk your horn when pulling into your driveway to keep from killing chickens.
  • You have to take the entire day off work to get your teeth cleaned.
  • You have to wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.
  • You have your own private booth at the Dairy Queen.
  • You have your wife check the depth of the water before you drive your truck through it.
  • You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
  • You keep a pellet gun by the front door.
  • You know how to milk a goat.
  • You know your daddy's C.B. handle, but not his real name.
  • You leave everything in your will to your mule.
  • You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
  • You made a cheat sheet for a hunter safety test.
  • You made jewelry out of your gallstones.
  • You make wind chimes out of frozen orange juice lids.
  • You make your wife ride in the back of the truck so the dog won't get sick.
  • You met your wife through a "personal ad" written on the men's room wall.
  • You missed high school graduation because your kids were sick.
  • You move to another state so you can buy beer on Sundays.
  • You own a monogrammed minnow bucket.
  • You own a pair of knee-high moccasins.
  • You own a Waffle House credit card.
  • You own all of the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
  • You own half of a pick-up truck.
  • You panicked when Sears discontinued its catalog.
  • You pick your nose in line at the bank.
  • You pick your teeth from a catalog.
  • You play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and get 4 teeth knocked out.
  • You practice fishing off your front porch.
  • You prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans rather than hem them.
  • You proudly display a collection of automobile-shaped cologne bottles.
  • You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
  • You refer to hot sex as relative humidity.
  • You refer to your van as "The Love Machine."
  • You regularly answer the question "What have you been doing lately?" with "Partying."
  • You repair your styrofoam cooler with duct tape and bubblegum.
  • You rip a loud one and blame your date.
  • You run out of beer and your friends go home.
  • You sell rabbits out of your car.
  • You shave your legs with your husband's fishing knife.
  • You showed up drunk for your D.U.I hearing.
  • You stockpile motor oil.
  • You stockpile pork & beans.
  • You sweep up the rice at the wedding and serve it at the reception.
  • You take a spit cup out on the dance floor.
  • You think "recycling" means going home from work.
  • You think A-1 Sauce tastes great on 'possum.
  • You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
  • You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
  • You think cow tipping should be an Olympic sport.
  • You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
  • You think espresso means 8 items or less.
  • You think Liberation was that funny-dressed guy who played the piano.
  • You think Long John Silver is formal underwear.
  • You think Roe vs. Wade deals with boat ownership.
  • You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
  • You think that safe sex is when the participants are married to each other.
  • You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and mother.
  • You think the Bud Bowl is real.
  • You think the last four words of the National Anthem are "Gentlemen, start your engines!"
  • You think the Super Bowl is a top of the line bathroom fixture.
  • You think the traffic sign "Merge" is a personal challenge.
  • You think the Yellow Pages have something to do with training a puppy.
  • You thought Ned Beatty was sexy in Deliverance.
  • You trim your beard and find a french fry.
  • You use a piece of bread as a napkin.
  • You use a screwdriver to open your chewing tobacco.
  • You use your daughter's wedding as an excuse to buy a new shotgun.
  • You videotape fishing shows.
  • You view duct tape as a long-term investment.
  • You wear overalls to save on the cost of shirts and underwear.
  • You wear tube socks with a dress.
  • You wear tube socks with a dress.
  • You went to the gun and knife show more than once in the same weekend.
  • You were driving a tractor before you could walk.
  • You wet the bed and four other people immediately know it.
  • You wore a three-day growth of beard before Don Johnson.
  • You wouldn't dare go anywhere without jumper cables.
  • You write off a radiator as a business expense.
  • Your and your wife's family reunion are one and the same.
  • Your arms are hairless from checking your knife's sharpness.
  • Your bar tab always equals your paycheck.
  • Your belt buckle trips the airport metal detector even when you aren't at the airport.
  • Your best linens have Property of Motel 6 printed on them.
  • Your birth announcements included the words "rug rat."
  • Your bowling ball cost more than your college education.
  • Your bra size is higher than your S.A.T. score.
  • Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
  • Your car alarm eats dog food.
  • Your car burns more oil than gas.
  • Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
  • Your car wakes people up when you drive down the street.
  • Your chili's secret ingredient comes from a bait shop.
  • Your cigarette lighter is your stove.
  • Your class reunion is a keg party in the woods.
  • Your clothesline has at least two splices in it.
  • Your daddy has ever said, "You kids run down to the dump and see what they left."
  • Your dog drinks from the toilet and you don't care.
  • Your dog goes "oink."
  • Your dog passes gas and you claim it.
  • Your family business requires a lookout.
  • Your family talks just like professional wrestlers.
  • Your favorite cologne is Blue Tick Hound.
  • Your first pet was a chicken.
  • Your flashlight holds more than four batteries.
  • Your grandmother, mother, and wife all have kids the same age.
  • Your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator.
  • Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
  • Your hood ornament used to be a bowling trophy.
  • Your horse can count higher than you.
  • Your horse lives in a better place than you do.
  • Your hunting dog fetches more beer than birds.
  • Your husband chews the same brand of tobacco as your mother-in-law.
  • Your idea of a big Saturday night is drinking beer and burning trash.
  • Your idea of cleaning house is throwing everything in the back yard.
  • Your idea of water conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to every other Saturday.
  • Your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.
  • Your little black book is a string of cocktail napkins.
  • Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
  • Your local funeral home has a neon sign in the window.
  • Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
  • Your mounted deer head sports a baseball cap and sunglasses.
  • Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
  • Your neighbors refer to a double-wide on a sand mound as "the mansion on the hill."
  • Your new sofa was on a curb in another part of town yesterday.
  • Your only trip to the dentist was to get your dentures made.
  • Your property has ever been mistaken for a recycling center.
  • Your retirement plans include getting your own place.
  • Your riding lawn mower has cup holders.
  • Your satellite dish has more square footage than your home.
  • Your school colors are camouflage.
  • Your sex life improved with the invention of 4-wheel drive.
  • Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
  • Your tooth has a cavity.
  • Your toothbrush has been in the family for generations.
  • Your truck has ever been the scene of a crime.
  • Your truck is insured by Smith & Wesson.
  • Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
  • Your TV remote control is your son Junior.
  • Your Uncle Bob died peeing on an electric fence.
  • Your underwear doubles as swimming trunks.
  • Your veterinarian is also a taxidermist.
  • Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes three relatives to figure out how to fix it.
  • Your wife's arms got so big from pushing your car.
  • Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
  • Your wife answers to "Cuz."
  • Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
  • Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
  • Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.


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